Today I woke up with a migrane and with that, nausea. I didn't feel like going to church but I always hate to miss it so I decided to go anyway. After feeling nauseous during the prayer time I slipped out and headed to the house. Darrell told me after church someone asked him where I was. He said that I had felt a little nauseous this morning and I went home. (You KNOW where I am going on this one???). The comment was made "is she pg?".You know, it bothers me that just because I am married it is automatically assumed that I am pg when I am sick to my stomach. Of course, being new here, the church does not know our history of infertility (IF) so people don't think about how these comments affect us.
Tie this into our movie last night, "Facing the Giants" and that comment was hard to hear. The subplot is about the coach and his wife going through IF. In the end they did get pregnant and went on to have children. I love the movie for the Christian aspect but for someone who has been through infertility, it does not always turn out that way. We struggled for 2 years to have a pregnancy. We spent countless hours in prayer begging for a child. I cried every time I found out I wasn't pg. I remember how I felt incomplete as I could not bear a child for my husband. I remember wondering if I was being punished for some reason for a sin that I had committed.
We were eventually blessed with Aimee and do you know why? I don't. It's not that God looked down on me and Darrell when we were in the midst of infertility and said "oh, there are bad past sins in their lives so I won't give them a child". God doesn't work like that. The God that I serve is a God of love and only wants the best for me.
Proverbs 3:5 states "Trust in the Lord with all your own heart and lean not on your own understanding.
Just because I believe in God does not mean that every single thing I desire is given to me. I don't understand why some teenagers have children when they are unmarried and why a married couple has to watch their first child pass away. I don't understand it at all. What I do hear God saying is to trust Him. What I have to do is to trust God for everything in my life. It means that I trust him for the good and the bad things that happen in my life. It means bottom line, I trust. Do you?
2 comments:
(((Renee))) Sweetie, I hear you! Thanks for being so open with your story and reminding us God is so MUCH more than this life, than what we get, including good things (i.e. husbands, children, a loving family). I sometimes think that the Church has turned very good things (like family) into a sacrament. In order to uphold it and protect it we have turned it into a 'must have' to be a Christian and have made the minority that doesn't 'fulfill' the requirement feel inadequate and incomplete. But the truth is that in Christ we are complete. He is all we need, our all in all. If we so choose. And that is "I trust you God even though I don't like it!"
Love your HP sista,
Miriam
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