Renee - The "Cut" version

So, here is where I am going to post my updates and journal about what I am going through. I know eventuallly that the pain and memories will fade so I want to be able to keep track of what is going on.

Surgery was done on October 30th. They ended up taking all of my uterus and placing a sling around my bladder to keep it upright. That will control the leakage and more urgency that I have had in the past. They also found out that my left ovary had a substantial cyst on it and massive amounts of scar tissue so it was removed. The other ovary was fine. They then had to remove a large amout on scar tissue on my c-section scar. So all in all, I had 4 different procedues done. The cycst thing brings light to our ttc years. Hard to get pregnant when you are only using 1 tube/egg and the other does not work.

How am I you ask? I hurt. I mean, really, really hurt. It's worse that the pain of childbirth because there was a reward there and it was not as invasive. My scar almost from hip to hip. I have 17 staples in my stomach. My stomach is so swollen that I can't feel anything from my belly button to my c section scar.

It hurts to walk. I can't get comfortable in a chair on on a bed. I can't lift things. I can't get up quickly because of the dizziness. I am a little scared to use the restroom (you know, the back end) because I do remember having Aimee and it hurting when I was recovering. I can't imagine the pain that is going to occur. I have to take pain medicine because if I don't, I hurt so bad I want to scream. I mean S-C-R-E-A-M!!!! As in holler and yell until I feel some relief.

I can't walk well and I have to hold my stomach and so I look like I am crazy. Not to mention that I can't walk fast so I look like a lumbering whale. I can't read or type long before my eyes go crossed because of all the pain meds I am on.

I know that after 6 weeks this is supposed to go away and I will feel like a better person but I can't imagine having a normal life ever again. I can't imagine giving myself a shower or bath, washing clothes, going to work or taking care of Aimee again by myself.

Man, I am ready for this to be over. I don't like being dependent on others. I just hurt. period. plain and simple. P.A.I.N.